Riding My Flaming Unicycle

 Pam and Charles feel that Pam has never been excepted into the family by CP IV and Shelly especially when they were young. Someone is a victim, maybe everyone and maybe no one.  Ok, if that is the case, Now what? We cannot change the past. What has happened is gone.  What can we do now that will resolve this? Better still, what can we do now, THAT EVERYONE WILL AGREE TO, that will resolve that?  We must put aside the hurt feelings and things we cannot control in others and discuss our actual issues... maybe. We will not resolve 50 years of hurt feelings and issues in one sit-down. It won't happen. Much like Margaret and I when we split we had an awful emotional wreck of a toxic relationship. She felt very wronged, the victim, as did I. At one point we could only communicate between each other through Matt my attorney as he stayed on point, was calm and never let it get personal. We then went to our separate corners and did our own healing and processing. That did NO...

 I am reflecting today on how linear our thinking tends to be. We draw a straight line of a to b to c in our life from long range, go to school, get a job, get married, etc,.  Life is so not linear. We want our story to be like an episode on tv but truth is until we are dead the story continues and only the chapters change.  And non of it is linear.

 So right now I am feeling disappointed that others do not share my vision and enthusiasm for where I see my future. I think I need to attack this in a couple of ways: 1) foster and nurture the passion as I develop and refine my vision and business plan. 2) find the folks that will support my vision.

It's been a few days since I last recorded a post. I am finding that I do not go from zero to hero in a matter of a day even though that’s what I think should happen. I did not go from riding a bike at all to riding up Mt Diablo in a day. It took time. It took persistence, discipline and commitment. I need to remember that I got to stuck over time and I need to keep doing a thing each day to move forward. Once I've done that one thing then I need to do another and another. and then I need to start doing two things.    I need to manage what my expectations are for what that time line looks like. Too often I expect to go to 1000% in 15 minutes.   That won't happen.   So today I will do that one thing. And manage my expectations will working on the second thing.   Be kind, strive for more and never quite.

 When I was in 6th grade we went home for Christmas Break. This was at a time when we still had Christmas break and not Winter Break.  When we returned at the beginning of January my friend Damon Dumas was riding a unicycle that he'd gotten for Christmas. It was the cheap, red, Toys R Us, unicycle but he'd ridden it the 3 blocks to our school and was  demonstrating a certain level of competence. I was a bit jealous and envious and wanted to show him up. I set in to begging and pleading with my mom to get the BEST unicycle out there, The Schwinn with the pneumatic tire and chromed galore! I was very excited and grabbed it with anticipation as I was about to show them all how cool I was! Well, I sucked. It took me about 10 minutes to realize that riding a unicycle was REALLY hard and different. There was no YouTube to find a video to explain how to do it and i was not going to ask anyone for help. There really was no one to ask as Damon had moved and I was stuck with myself...

 Today is the day I write. Right now I do feel like I am riding a flaming unicycle... down hill. And I cant seem to get a break... or brake.  As I wander through trying to get a job I realize that there are bunches of people just like me out there. Some with talent but because of perceived advantage cannot get the chance to shine.  I have applied for jobs that I and others know I would be great at but because I am not woke and a social justice warrior I am not given the chance. So it would seem at this point that culture and conformity are the most important thing. Wokeness has become the blue suit and white shirt of IBM fame. Virtue signaling has become a form of currency much like kids in the play ground bragging to their buddies about some real or imagined conquest. and so the very intolerance they rail against is of it's self intolerant.