The Family Drama around Mothers Day

 Pam and Charles feel that Pam has never been excepted into the family by CP IV and Shelly especially when they were young.

Someone is a victim, maybe everyone and maybe no one. 

Ok, if that is the case, Now what? We cannot change the past. What has happened is gone. 

What can we do now that will resolve this?

Better still, what can we do now, THAT EVERYONE WILL AGREE TO, that will resolve that? 

We must put aside the hurt feelings and things we cannot control in others and discuss our actual issues... maybe.

We will not resolve 50 years of hurt feelings and issues in one sit-down. It won't happen.

Much like Margaret and I when we split we had an awful emotional wreck of a toxic relationship. She felt very wronged, the victim, as did I. At one point we could only communicate between each other through Matt my attorney as he stayed on point, was calm and never let it get personal. We then went to our separate corners and did our own healing and processing. That did NOT include beating our friends and family but actually doing the hard work through therapy and for me being in recovery, for her it was spending time with a spiritual person, and learning to forgive, TRULY forgive the other person, letting go of the past, that we are now friends and probably get along better than we have in many years. But it took time. and we had to put in the effort on ourselves. 

We then got past our victimhood and have made peace with each other independent of each other. More importantly we have made peace with ourselves.

Protocols of civility need to be agreed upon. Like a treaty. We will behave appropriately moving forward. 

If we have a problem we will CALL, NOT TEXT OR POST ON FACEBOOK, and resolve that issue by discussing how something makes us feel and stay on point. The Shelly pictures is an example.

 If we are truly upset, declare a two hour rule, calm down before responding. If someone invokes the two hour rule it is their right and comes with no judgement.   

No judgement about other peoples households. We get to establish boundaries in our own households without having to give reasons. 

We must concentrate on what we control, only ourselves, our own attitudes and thoughts, and not the world around us. Hoping that other person get's better or gets the help "they need" is a form of wishing it into our own control. It's a part of the "if they'd only do it my way" that is an attempt to control.

We must truly come to realize what acceptance means with other people and work on what we ourselves can do and that is improve our own minds.

So what are you doing to improve who you are?